It may be better to focus on a few subjects (10 to be precise) between the old rivals:
1) Bread: France takes a very early lead 1-0.
Male Old Git (MOG) still rises early and takes himself off to the local patisserie just to stand there inhaling the wonderful aroma of ‘real’ bread… however don’t tell the Female Old Git (FOG) that the reason he only returns with one loaf is one has already been consumed… that’s why I don’t eat breakfast… (She thinks I’m dieting…!)
2) Cheese: France looking dominant and score again 2-0.
Sorry guys (especially to my cheese producing friends from Cheshire) they have the upper hand. Their pre-packed section would knock the socks off (pardon the analogy) most of our cheeses. There are, however, 2 exceptions: Stilton and, of course, Appleby’s Cheshire…
3) Roads: France take a huge 3-0 lead… Their roads are superb, despite the fact they are highway robbing b******s! (€60 from Calais to Les Gets, an equivalent of £600 road tax p.a., but hey you travel well).
4) Service: A convincing return to form for England, 3-1. The spotty, rude check-out lad in W H Smith (who has just graduated from Accrington University, reading Enid Blyton) could show the French a thing or two on service.
Even the snow melts slowly here…5) Meat: A close call but England claw backs another goal, 3-2. The main reason for England’s goal is the Sirloin Joint and of course a leg of Spring Lamb. Some of the stuff they offer is… well positively…AGH!
6) Press & Media: Goal disallowed. Both nations are fixed on the principal that bad news sells newspapers and TV time. A Western disease… A business opportunity for one of our two UK Media moguls to report actual facts and not just the editor’s morbid view on the world.
7) Drivers: England scores an easy equaliser, 3-3. All the pensioners in my nearest town must have come out here to teach the French to drive. No concept of where they are, how to operate the car and, of course, do not show any respect to any other road users on foot or in a vehicle.
8) Cars: Beckham picks up the ball outside the French penalty area, turns and takes it all the way to the England goal and shoots into his own net. An incredible and unbelievable own goal. It is equivalent as our own successive governments destroying our manufacturing base, we don’t produce any cars, or for that matter precious little else, and then relying on the greedy City who finally showed their true colours…opps politics again. France takes the lead 4-3.
9) Hospitality: England bounce back strongly, 4-4. I have visited a lot of European countries: The Dutch, Germans and Italians, to name just a few, receive us with a smile and a touch of friendship. Driving in France with British number plates is a nightmare: I am not alone in this comment. When you finally break the ice the French are a very gracious and friendly people, but my heavens you really have to work at it. Walk into any bar around here frequented by the locals and you know how the Yorkshire Ripper would have felt if he had ever been released.
10) Quality of Life: Hell and damnation… France score a dramatic winner in the dying seconds…, let’s put it this way, buy a place in Provence and be one and half hours away from both the Med and the Alps with a ruck of French bread, French cheese and , oh I forgot, not bad French wine either… (I’m not totally biased…I didn’t put queuing, or real beer on the list!).MOG relaxing French Alpine style…
For more information visit:
www.facts-oldgitsgapyear.blogspot.com
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